Awake. It took me so long to get to sleep. I definitely have anxiety now, if I didn’t before. Every time I do normal things like stand up, sit down, my heart races.

I don’t know what I will do if I can’t get this under control. I have spent so much time on my education, my career, that if I had to stop now it would be devastating. Not just for me but for my husband and my children. Me not being able to work in the capacity that I do now would have a lasting impact on everyone in this household. It would change the direction of their lives forever.

I am wearing the Holter monitor now. It takes 2 weeks to complete the monitoring cycle and have a print-out sent to my cardiologist. My cardiologist is not something I thought I would have at age 41. It’s time for me to eat breakfast and take a beta blocker. I hope this is the path to a normal life again.

I just have way too much left to do in this world.

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